For Without You, I Would Be Nothing
by Saritadreaming
Summary: Edward's POV starting when he leaves Bella during New Moon. Deviates from Stephenie's story once Bella gets to Italy to save Edward. This is what I think should have happened. Vampire/Human Edward/Bella/Alice/Volturi INDIE TWIFIC NOMINEE


**A/N: This story starts out with what Edward went through after leaving Bella during New Moon. My story deviates quite a bit from Stephenie's version in what happens when Bella comes to Italy to save Edward. This is what I think should have happened. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it. :-)**

**Thanks to my awesome beta Ashley (Ms. Skittles) for her skills and for the encouragement in writing my first lemon.**

***New! See the banner for my story on my profile made by the very talented Lindz**

****Someone nominated this story for the Indie Twific Awards under the "Love Conquers All" category! A big thank you to the mystery reader! Please go vote for your favorite fics, the link is on my profile.  
**

***  
**

**Edward's POV**

***  
**

Leaving the love of my existence in the forest was the single most difficult thing I had ever done. When Bella whispered — "_You...don't...want me?_" — something tore loose inside me, a shard of ice that would rattle around inside my dead body for all of eternity. Nothing would ever heal it, no balm could soothe it. It was no less than I deserved.

When I answered, "_No._" affirming that I did not want her (which was the most abominable of lies), the shard of iced ripped into my chest, leaving permanent scarring and guaranteeing that throughout the rest of my sleepless existence, I would relive that moment over and over again.

Bella continued hoping to change my mind, she looked so small and fragile, helpless. I could see she really didn't understand, that she thought words could fix this. And so, I brought out the big guns, I said the one phrase I knew she could not really argue back with, that would break things completely.

"_You're not good for me, Bella._" I hated myself more with each word. As much for her as for myself, I made her a promise then.

"_I promise that this will be the last time you'll ever see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed_."

I could see the hope drain from her face, resignation setting in. I had to do it quickly then, before I lost my resolve.

"_Goodbye, Bella._" The shard of ice twisted deeper inside me. With a final kiss to her forehead I was gone, running like the wind. Running from the only thing that mattered to me in the world.

I kept running for many days and nights. I sobbed, I swore, I hated. The shard of ice became my barometer, letting me know when I was thinking of her too much. I stopped saying her name in my head, thinking it might lessen the pain. It didn't. Yes, I found, vampires COULD feel pain, most definitely.

Traveling through many different countries, I lived like a Nomad. Although I had plenty of money at my disposal, I didn't feel deserving of comforts. I hunted mercilessly, taking my anger out on my meals. The only semblance of civilization I retained was my cell phone, but I rarely answered it, often the battery was dead for days at a time.

When I did speak to my family, they begged me to return to them. The thought of being the seventh wheel in a coven with three happily paired couples, caused me to feel ill. After knowing Bella's love, how could I go back to being Edward who was perpetually waiting for his perfect mate? My perfect love was human and beyond my reach. I knew I would spend the rest of my days alone.

My only consolation was that my suffering would not be eternal. I knew that one day Bella's natural life would come to a close and I would follow soon after. I could not exist in a world where her heart did not beat, where her blood did not rush through her veins, that her endearing clumsy self wasn't a part of. I knew my family would not help me end my life, but there were...other ways.

The months passed by slowly, agonizingly, seeming more like years. The fact that I was unable to sleep increased my suffering. I realized that I deserved every drop of pain, every twist of the shard of ice in my body, that there wasn't _enough_ anguish I could go through that would pay back my debt. For being what I was, for tainting Bella's life, for hurting my family.

The day it happened, I was staying at a hotel in Rio. It was one of the rare times I allowed myself the comfort of a bed and stopped to charge my phone. I lay on the bed, hands behind my head, planning my next move. Heading deep into the mountains was appealing; I barely knew how to deal with humans any longer. People looked at me strangely, wondered about drugs or alcohol problems. I was losing the ability to blend in.

My cell buzzed and I saw it was Rosalie. She never called me and I wondered if it was important. When she finally spit out what she was calling for—Bella had jumped off a cliff, she was dead—I shattered the phone and sat rocking myself for hours, dry wracking sobs replacing the tears that I could never shed.

Bella. Dead. The center of my world, the only thing in a century that truly mattered to me. Gone. I was getting off easy in a way. My suffering would come to an end now, as I refused to exist in this world if she didn't. I deserved a horrible death, nothing easy.

I formulated a plan to provoke the Volturi. They upheld very strict laws about our kind exposing themselves to humans. First, I planned to throw myself at their mercy, asking that I be destroyed. If they refused...well, I would find a way to force their hand.

I traveled to Volterra and requested a private audience with Aro. It wasn't a commonly granted request and I knew there was a good chance that I would be denied. I was contacted at my hotel by one of the Guard and advised of the time and place to appear. I asked who my meeting was with, but was rewarded by a soft click in my ear as the person on the other end hung up.

The next night I arrived for my appointment. Really, there was nothing to be nervous about, after all what could they do to me—kill me? Kill me slowly and painfully? All deserved, all accepted with gratitude.

I walked along the town square, as instructed. The beauty of the area was astounding, the buildings unique, lots of people milling around preparing for some kind of festival. The Volturi made sure it was very attractive to tourists, since they didn't feed on the locals. They also took advantage of illegal immigrants looking for a way into safer countries figuring who would miss them? I ruminated on my life, my mistakes, and pain shot through my limbs, so crippling that I had to stop walking.

"Edward Cullen." It was a statement, not a question, and came from one of two men who had approached me silently. I didn't hear them, but to be fair, I _was_ a bit preoccupied. My nostrils flared as I took in their scent and realized they were not human. I nodded ascent.

"Come with us." They flanked me, leading me to the entrance of a complicated system of underground tunnels. With my vampire senses, I could easily trace my path, but no human would ever find their way out of here—if they ever found their way in.

At the end of our journey, I was left in a chamber that included a grouping of cushy red and gold brocade furniture. There was a silver tea service set out filled with human blood. It was fresh—minutes fresh. Wrinkling my nose, I sat down to wait.

"Edward! To what do I owe the pleasure?" Aro had entered the room silently. For the second time today I had been surprised by the appearance of a fellow vampire. I would be worried if I planned to be here much longer.

"Aro, thank you for seeing me. It means a lot to me." I bowed my head in respect. I knew he rarely took meetings without Caius and Marcus.

"Anything for the son of Carlisle Cullen." He bowed his head in return.

"I'm happy to hear you say that Aro. I have a favor to ask of you, one that only you can grant."

"Go on, go on." Aro was clearly intrigued, I could see it in his thoughts. _What could he possibly want that only I can grant him? Very curious boy._

"I want you put an end to me." Deciding forthrightness was the way to go, I brought it right out into the open.

"Excuse me?" _What is he talking about? Surely he can't mean kill him!_

"You can't kill what is already dead; condemn a life that is forfeit. I am an abomination and I want you to end me. Please."

"Whatever for? If you are unhappy with your current life with the Cullen's, you know there is always a place for you among our ranks! We would be honored to have one with a gift such as yours Edward." Aro was very anxious to have me join them; he had always shown an interest in me. I could pick up the daydreams flitting through his mind about adding me to his flock. This would not do.

"Thank you, but no. It doesn't really matter why; I am asking you to end my existence so I can go where ever our kind go—after."

"May I?" Aro extended his hand. He was curious; he wanted to know my reason for needing to be destroyed.

"No!" I snapped staring him down coldly. I held my pain to myself, possessive of my memories, even of the shard of ice that kept carving new scars inside me. Mine! It was mine.

"Edward...I wasn't trying to take anything from you. I merely wish to understand." Aro was taken aback by my vehemence. _What is the boy hiding? What is so terrible that he can ask to be exterminated, but won't share the reason?_

"Forgive me Aro, I mean no disrespect." I bowed my head in deference. "This pain is mine to bear and I am just not willing to share it with anyone else."

"Hmm. As you wish." _Strange young man, he is._

Aro paced the room silently for a few minutes, looking up at me every once in a while. He pondered what to do, but seemed conflicted. He wanted to consult with Caius and Marcus before making a final decision.

"Edward, forgive me, but you look awful. When is the last time you hunted?"

I barked a laugh. "Why would that matter now? I no longer wish to exist, why should I bother to use up any more of the food supply?"

"Give me a few moments to think this over, Edward. Make yourself comfortable here, I will return." With a flourish of his cloak, Aro was gone.

Knowing I didn't have long left either way, I allowed myself to fully think about Bella. There was no reason now to dampen my feelings, the agony ripping through me anew. I went back in time, opening the treasure chest of my memories. I thought about her heart shaped face, mahogany hair, chocolate brown eyes that expressed so much feeling, her endearing clumsiness. I thought of the many nights I spent watching over her as she slept, listening to her heart beat, hearing her murmur my name in her sleep. I regretted the time I wasted pushing her away, insisting on caution in our physical relationship.

If I had changed Bella as she had begged me to, she would be mine for eternity now. Instead she was gone and this world was a colorless, empty place. I railed against myself for being so rigid, for insisting she remain human. I couldn't hear what she was saying, understand what she was feeling, what she wanted, because I was too busy playing God.

My thoughts went around and around, causing me to realize how wrong I was on so many levels. It had cost me the love of my existence. I simply shut down then; there was only so much pain one could endure—even a vampire.

An hour later, Aro returned. "After careful consideration I have come to a decision, Edward."

"Yes?"

"I have to say no. Talent such as yours is so rare; I would be remiss in letting you go. Please, have you considered my offer to join us?"

"No. I thank you for the offer, but I have no interest in being a part of the Volturi."

"Nevertheless, I will not end your life. Our offer will stand; we will always be honored if you would join us. Until then, I trust you will be well. Give my love to Carlisle." He bowed to me and began making his way to the door.

"Wait. That's it? You are just dismissing me, patting me on the head, good boy, now go home?" The anger was apparent in my voice and posture.

"Yes, precisely. Now stop acting like a spoiled child, get over whatever your problem is and go home." He didn't say this unkindly, although it stung and I felt like a five year old.

Plan B it was, then.

On the way back to my hotel, I saw a notice posted for the festival in the piazza. There would be hundreds of people present. I scouted around and found a shadowed arch underneath the clock tower. I thought about this for a while and it appealed to my sense of the dramatic. I would wait until high noon and walk out into the bright sun, allowing the humans to see my sparkling skin. The Volturi could never permit this to happen, they would surely stop me. Exposing our kind in such a way was punishable by death. Perfect.

The next day dawned—gray. I needed a full sunny bright day for my purposes. When the sun shone on my skin it would look like hundreds of tiny diamonds set in my flesh. There was no explaining that away.

I had another day to be in pain, to suffer and dream of Bella. I gladly poured salt in my wounds, reveling in the pain. I couldn't loathe myself any more than I did. Not to be conceited, but I was fairly certain that Bella had killed herself because of me. The fact was, I never should have darkened her door. Never should have entered into a relationship with a fragile human girl who had a real chance at having a normal life, with a husband and children. I took all of those possibilities away from her with my selfishness. To compound my stupidity, I left her after destroying her desire for a normal human life. To do over again, I would have granted her wish to become part of my family, to be together forever. But it was too late for that now.

Waiting until after midnight, I made my way through the empty piazza to stand before the clock tower. I looked up, worshipful, as the clock chimed, knowing that sound would signal my release the next day. Casting my mind out to see if I was being watched, nothing but silence was returned and I made my way up into the tower, where I would spend my last hours.

The next day dawned sunny and clear. I felt almost joyous because I knew in a few short hours, I would be no more. My suffering would be over. I did regret the pain I would be causing my family, but I didn't fit in with them, no matter how much they tried to convince me otherwise. They would be better off without my brooding presence and over time, it would become clear.

Using my gift, I carefully made my way down to the darkened archway underneath the clock tower without incident. It was fairly deserted in this building, but the piazza was teaming with tourists. I didn't sense any of the Volturi and I was rather insulted to think that Aro believed I would turn tail and run home to Carlisle. It didn't matter, the Volturi were sure and swift, they would be on me seconds after I stepped out into the sun light.

Right on cue, the clock began chiming..

**GONG...GONG...GONG...**

I moved up a few steps, still no Volturi. They really weren't watching me. They could use myself and Alice as part of their Guard, but they would never have a chance at either of us.

**GONG....GONG...GONG...**

Almost shivering in anticipation, I removed my shirt, the better to reflect the sunlight into millions of little diamond glimmers for the crowd. I felt strangely calm, not knowing if I was going to feel pain or if my death would be prolonged. It didn't matter, a swift death would be much more than I deserved and suffering of any kind, much less. It was time. _Good bye Bella, my love. I'm so sorry I failed you._

**GONG...GONG...GONG...**

"_Edward no!"_

From far away, I thought I heard the voice of my beloved. To hear her voice again, even as an hallucination, was such a gift. It would be just like her to be so selfless as to try to stop me from ending my existence. A small smile touched my lips as I raised up my face, ready to meet the midday sun, taking another step forward.

**GONG....**

"_For the love of all that is holy STOP Edward please!"_

**GONG...**

"_I love you, please no! Don't leave me!"_

Ah, the shard of ice twisted one last time. If only it were possible not to leave her, sigh.

"_Edward no, no, no!"_

**GONG...**

Bella's voice grew louder and more urgent. I never knew vampires were subject to hallucinations. As the clock chimed twelve, I stepped out of the archway and placed my foot down onto the cobblestones of the piazza.

Something hit me in the chest and my arms instinctively closed upon something soft...Bella's scent hitting me like a freight train, I would know it anywhere. Oh, but I didn't deserve this beautiful delusion.

"_Get back into the archway Edward! Please, before the sun comes back out! People are beginning to stare at us!"_

Before the sun came back out? I opened my eyes then, to see that some clouds had obscured the sun. It appeared that Bella was really in my arms, too. Impossible, but so very real. Had the Volturi been there after all? Had they already destroyed my body?

"Wow. You look just like Bella. Am I already dead, then?" I marveled looking down into the perfection of her face.

"_No Edward, you aren't dead YET. But if you don't move back into the shadows, we are BOTH going to be dead. I didn't come all this way to die. So believe what you will, but MOVE YOUR ASS!"_

Ah, definitely not my Bella. She never cussed. Pretty good though, I smiled wider shaking my head.

Her face was incredulous, angry, outraged and determined. Suddenly, she bit her lip—hard. Blood began flowing and then her lips were on mine, the sweet nectar flowing into my mouth. The taste that hit my tongue was like the finest wine, it was warm and velvet and copper and iron and freesia. Staggering backwards, unable to remain on my feet, my mind completely shut down.

Landing on the concrete floor of the archway with her mouth still attached to mine, I suckled at her bleeding lip. Whether alive or dead, after all I had been through; I no longer had the urge to bleed her dry. I worshiped the taste of her blood on my tongue, wanted to enjoy it slowly and reverently.

"Mmmmmm..." I groaned, unable to help myself.

I felt hands running through my hair, a warm body on top of mine, pressing down harder. Pulling back, I licked at her lip, sighing contentedly.

"You feel so real, so much more than I deserve."

"_I AM real. Open your eyes Edward."_

So cruel. I kept my eyes closed because I could still feel her slight weight on me. I licked my lips and my head fell back, mouth slightly open—sighing. Suddenly, her lips were on mine and her tongue was in my mouth. She sure tasted like Bella and I didn't care if this was a dream or not, I kissed her back. Our lips melded, our tongues tangled together and it was sweet and desperate and rough. Too soon, she pulled her lips from mine and brought them to my ear.

"_Edward, I know you don't believe I'm really here, but please come with me. What do you have to lose? You can always come back here to finish the job later. Be with me, please."_

"How could I refuse you anything, especially after the way I failed you, Bella? Even if you aren't real, I would rather dream of you than do anything else. I don't deserve this, but I am a selfish creature. I will take all I can get."

Opening my eyes, I was amazed to see Bella was still on top of me. Her eyes looked fevered, glassy and concerned. Rolling off me, she got up and held a hand out to me, which I found amusing. I took it gladly, standing up beside her, reveling in the warmth of her delicate hand in mine. Bringing it up to my lips I kissed it gently. Her other hand reached up to caress my face and she looked up anxiously into my eyes.

"Edward, do you have a hotel room nearby?"

"Yes, a few blocks from here."

"Let's go quickly, while the cloud cover holds. Here, put this on." She handed me a black hooded cloak, which I donned quickly. Why not go along with this and see where it leads? I still did not believe that I was really with Bella, but it was so incredibly realistic.

We walked along the edges of the piazza holding hands until we reached my hotel. Once we entered the room, I removed the cloak and turned to her. Her heart beat had been racing the entire time we were together, but now it slowed to a normal pace and she slumped down onto the bed, head in her hands, and began to sob.

"Bella? Why are you crying?" Sitting beside her, I drew her into my arms, rocking her gently.

"What? Why do you think Edward? I get a call from Alice telling me you are going to the Volturi to end your life—that you somehow were under the impression that I had killed myself—and I am just barely able to get you to leave that wretched piazza, and you want to know why I am crying? We could have _died_ here, we might still die here! What would possess you to believe I was dead without proof Edward Cullen?" Anger seeped from her voice, which got louder with each word.

"Bella, I – I called your house, some guy told me Charlie was at the funeral. What was I to think?"

It was beginning to dawn on me, that Bella might actually be here in the hotel room with me. That I had almost made a glaring mistake by ending my existence without confirming the truth for sure.

"Stupid vampire!" she spat at me.

"I deserve that and more Bella. Are you _truly_ here with me? How can I know for sure?"

"Here, call Alice. I'm sure she is going nuts right about now anyway, waiting to know if I was successful in stopping you." Bella handed me her cell phone.

Before I could dial the phone, it rang and I answered it.

"EDWARD, you're okay! Thank God! When I get my hands on you, I'm going to kill you!" Alice's voice blared out of the speaker.

"Alice, that would defeat the purpose of saving me wouldn't it?" I quipped, beginning to believe.

"Oh, you know what I mean! Gosh, why would you DO something like that? I'm going to get a room nearby. It's going to be a while before you are ready to leave yours."

"Why? Don't you want to come see me?"

"Oh, in a few minutes, you won't want to see me, Edward. Trust me. I love you, welcome back," she said knowingly and hung up.

Standing up, back to Bella, I suddenly felt almost shy. I had been so stupid leaving her in the forest that way; I was the worst kind of coward. Then she risked her life coming to Italy and I almost got her killed by the Volturi as well.

"Edward? Are you okay?" she asked softly, coming up behind me and touching my shoulder.

Turning towards her, shaking my head, I swept her into my arms and buried my face in her neck. I sobbed then, loud wracking sobs that seemed to go on forever as I ran my hands over her, needing to touch all of her to be sure she was intact. She simply held on to me, murmuring softly like she was comforting a child. Falling to my knees, I hugged her tight, my head against her belly. She ran her fingers through my hair, shushing me, cooing to me. Imagine, the human ministering to the vampire, her strength was astounding.

Eventually, she tugged me up and led me over to the bed. We lay side by side, arms wrapped around each other. Bella stroked my face, my hair, my chest, my back. I couldn't keep my hands off her, had the need to be connected to her at all times. I kept my head buried in her hair, lips against her neck, afraid to look her in the eye, afraid she would realize how unworthy and unforgivable I was.

"Edward, why won't you look at me?" Bella whispered.

"I don't even know where to start Bella. I screwed up and I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to speak to me again. I don't deserve you or to even breathe the same air as you," I confessed.

"Edward Cullen, look at me. Look. At. Me." She was insistent and I slowly brought my face out of her fragrant chestnut hair and looked into her eyes. I was surprised by what I saw there. Love. Adoration. Forgiveness. Desire.

"Bella—"

"Shhhhh..." She placed a finger over my lips to silence me.

"You left me, you devastated me. I can't even call the way I existed a life, God! Charlie was ready to send me away; he didn't know what to do with me. But Edward, there has never been, nor will there ever be, a moment when I don't love you. Or need you. Or want you. You are the _love of my life_. Am I angry at you? Hell yes! But that doesn't diminish what you are to me, what I feel for you. My love for you is forever, through thick and thin, through good times and bad. Are you getting any of this yet?" Throughout her words, her eyes burned into mine.

"I – yes. Yes, I think I am. Thank you for being such an angel, for giving me so many chances and still wanting me. The only thing that matters to me in this life, Bella, is that you are alive and well. If that means you want me around, I will be there. If I have gone too far, done too much damage and you no longer wish to have me in your life—I would accept that too. I will do _anything_ for you."

Shifting, I rolled us so Bella was on her back, with my body suspended over hers. She looked startled, but intrigued by the change in position. I never would have allowed something this intimate before. I looked deeply into her eyes, satisfied that she wanted me, right where I was. Leaning down, I brushed my lips against hers. "Bella, my love," I whispered.

Her heart started to beat wildly and her breathing was shallow, pupils dilated. Placing kisses along her jaw line, I nuzzled my nose under her ear.

"Edward...kiss me, please," she pleaded, winding her arms around my neck. Her words ignited something in me, a hunger unrelated to blood lust. I crushed my lips to hers, unwilling or unable to concern myself about getting too close. Almost losing her forever had changed the rules. Our lips moved against each other, fire and ice, gliding in perfect synchronicity. Her tongue touched my lips and I groaned, opening my mouth to her. Electricity surged as our tongues touched, tentatively at first and then growing more intense. Bella's heart began beating erratically and I broke away from her mouth to trail kisses along her jaw. When my lips hovered over her carotid artery, I darted my tongue out and licked over it, feeling the pulsing beneath my cool tongue. She moaned and a fire ignited low in my groin.

I had never allowed things to reach this point in our relationship before, so I was unsure how to proceed. One thing I was certain of—I would never again worry about desiring Bella's blood more than Bella's love. The monster was bound and gagged for all of eternity. My only concern was not injuring her with my enthusiasm and lust—the lust of a man for a woman.

Suddenly, I felt unsure of myself. Pulling away, I sat up on the bed, looking down.

"Edward? What's wrong?" Bella sat up next to me, her warm hand on my back.

I couldn't speak, wasn't sure what to say to her. How could I possibly explain the myriad things that were roiling around in my mind? Fears, hopes, dreams, desires...

"Oh no, Edward Cullen. You are not going to shut down on me! No way. I didn't come all this way for you— "

"Shhhh, Bella," I put my finger to her lips, shaking my head.

I took her face in my cool hands; her pink cheeks fevered, and I kissed her lips tenderly. Placing my hands behind her neck, into her beautiful silky hair that I had missed so much, I feathered kisses all over her nose, eyes, cheeks, forehead. Her heart raced and she sighed.

"Edward..."

Pushing her back on the bed, I kissed my way down her neck ever so lightly. She arched into my lips and, emboldened, I continued to the top of her blouse, between her breasts. I ran my fingers gently over her collar bone and down to the top of her blouse, feeling her shiver under my touch. My fingers reached the buttons, hesitating I lifted my head and whispered, "May I?"

Her eyes widened perceptibly and she nodded, "Yes."

Ever so slowly, I undid the buttons kissing my way down to her belly button, her hands running lightly through my hair. Her indrawn breath and racing heart, encouraging me. Pushing the soft blue fabric out of the way, I could see her breasts heaving underneath the black lace bra. Kissing my way back up, I moved off to the right nipping at the lace where her nipple stood out. She hissed. I pinched the other side between my fingers gently and she moaned, her grip on my hair tightening. Leaving one hand over her breast, I reached my other hand to cup her face and brought my lips back to hers. Tugging my hair, she pulled my face closer, kissing me harder. Her tongue licked along my lower lip and my tongue reached out to hers, caressing, massaging. I was very cautious and aware of my sharp, venom coated teeth, but I didn't let them stop me. Deepening the kiss, I pushed more of my tongue in her mouth, to protect her from my teeth. Bella began sucking on my tongue, an indescribable feeling and I groaned into her mouth. It was the most erotic thing I had ever experienced and prompted me to dream of doing other things with her.

Kissing my way down her neck, again looking to her for permission, I removed her blouse and bra. God, she was beautiful! I drew in a breath, running my fingers over her breasts, teasing her rosebud peaks lightly. She pushed her chest towards me, obviously seeking more contact. Lowering my head, I closed my cold lips over one bud while my fingers played with the other. Bella whimpered and writhed beneath me and the feeling of exaltation that shot through me was amazing. I was doing this; I was making her feel this way! Growing bolder, I touched my tongue to her nipple, swirling it around.

"God, Edward..." she sighed.

Lifting myself up, I removed my shirt, tossing it aside. Lying against her skin to skin was like heaven. She ran her hands over the planes of my chest and shoulders, leaving a trail of fire. Her hands dipped lower, reaching down to the button of my jeans and a growl rumbled in my chest. Unbuttoning my pants, she eased the zipper down and I made a strangled sound in my throat.

"Is this okay?"

"Bella, it might be better if I take the lead," I replied hoarsely removing her hand.

"I – I'm sorry," she whispered, face coloring, looking down.

"No Bella, it's okay. I just—I need to know what is happening, that's all. No surprises or fast moves. This is all new territory for me, too."

Placing my finger under her chin, I lifted her face until her eyes met mine and we both smiled, tension relieved. Bella's cell phone buzzed.

"Ignore it, Edward."

Grabbing the phone and seeing it was Alice, I shook my head, I didn't think it was a good idea to ignore the call. Alice would see what we were in the middle of and wouldn't interrupt unless it was absolutely necessary.

I opened the phone. "Alice, what is it?"

"Edward, they're coming for you. The Volturi," she sounded breathless.

"Can I avoid— "

"No. If you try to run, Demetri will kill you both, I've seen it. Your only chance is to go in and appeal to Aro. For some reason, he has a soft spot for you. But it will be very close, Edward."

"And you, do they know of you?"

"No. But if you want me to come, I will."

"No! The less they know the better, although if Aro touches me he will see everything. I may not be able to avoid it," I sighed deeply.

"Edward, I wasn't spying really, but..." Alice began carefully.

"It's okay Alice, strange circumstances," I let out a small laugh.

"You have time."

"What?" I was confused.

"To be with Bella, you have time. Before they come."

"Oh..." Understanding dawned.

"And Edward? Tell Bella to look for a small...gift in her wallet. I love you both, be safe—and come home," her voice broke.

"I love you too. Alice, thank you—for everything."

Closing the phone, I turned to face Bella, who was sitting up with her arms across her bare chest, watching me carefully. I sighed and scrubbed my hands over my face.

"Edward? What is it?" She sounded frightened, as she should.

The Volturi were coming for us. We would be brought before the council and a glaring violation would be accompanying me. Bella was human and she knew our secret, she knew of the Volturi. Aro would be our only chance, I knew that.

I took her warm little hands in mine. "Bella, I'm sorry. The Volturi are coming for us," my voice cracked, if I could shed tears I would have.

"What does that mean? Will they kill me?" she asked meekly, staring down at our hands.

"Us. They might kill us." Her eyes shot up to mine.

"NO!" Shaking her head.

"Yes, Bella. Don't fret, love—I don't want to exist without you, remember? My stupidity is what began this all."

"Is there—any chance?"

"Yes. We have a chance, it's a small one, but I will do all I can to make sure we both leave there alive. I need to speak to Aro alone, I think he will be sympathetic to our situation. If I agree to...show him all, he might agree."

"Show him all?" she asked confused.

"Yes, Aro's gift is similar to mine, but he must touch in order to use it. When he touches someone he can share each and every memory they have ever had—there is no lying to him."

Tears coursed down Bella's cheeks and I drew her to me, wrapping my arms around her. She lay her head on my chest and sobbed. "It's not fair Edward! We have been through so much...they can't do this. Can't we outrun them?"

"No. They have a tracker that can find us anywhere we run. Aside from that, it would put Carlisle and the rest of the family in jeopardy. I promise you, I will do my best to make sure we leave there alive." I kissed her hair. "Bella, there is something else. They won't allow you to...remain human. That much, I know."

"That's okay! I want to be with you forever, I don't care about being human."

I sighed deeply, trying to decide if I should risk intimacy in such a volatile situation. It might be our only chance.

"There's something more, isn't there?" Bella leaned away from me looking up into my eyes.

"Yes. After all we have been through, I won't lie to you about anything. Alice told me that we have time...before they come to get us....to be together."

Her mouth opened in a small O, I guessed that was not what she was expecting me to say. She reached her hands up to my face and pulled my lips down to hers. The electric current that was always present was increased tenfold now with our high emotions.

"Bella wait— " I murmured against her lips.

"No, Edward, I want you. Please don't turn from me now!" she cried out.

"I wouldn't, Bella. I've learned my lessons, believe me. Alice told me she left you a gift in your wallet."

Bella's brow creased, but she pulled out the wallet and rifled through it. She barked out a laugh and turned a deep shade of red.

"What is it?" I asked curious.

Holding out her hand, she placed a foil wrapped square in my palm. I couldn't help but laugh either.

"That's our Alice," I said shaking my head. "It's probably for the best; I don't know what the venom would do to you if it got inside you."

Bella threw herself on me, pushing me back on the bed, pressing her lips to mine. I kissed her back eagerly, our tongues dancing together, no longer caring about venom or teeth. It was gentle and rough and tender all at the same time. I ran my hands over her bared breasts, tweaking nipples, eliciting a squeal from Bella. Rolling us over so I was on top, my hands roamed down over her belly to the top of her pants and I hesitated.

"Bella, are you sure?" I whispered into her mouth.

"I have never been more sure of anything in my life. I love you. I want you with every cell of my being. Please, just love me Edward." Her hands tangled in my hair and she bit my lip.

That was all the encouragement I needed. That and the knowledge that it might be our only chance to be together for all of eternity. In seconds, I had both of our clothing off. I lay Bella gently on the bed underneath me, holding myself so my full weight was not upon her. Her mahogany hair fanned out on the pillow and I breathed in the scent of her strawberry shampoo. God, how I missed that.

"Bella, I love you. I'm so sorry I screwed this up so badly. If I hadn't made this mistake, we wouldn't be here right now and— "

"Shh. No blame now, Edward. Just love, only love."

My body was on fire, my arousal evident and I longed to be inside her, to be one with her. I opened the condom and rolled it on. Letting my fingers trail down her abdomen to her mound, I found her wet and I could smell the scent of her arousal. I inserted a finger inside her and she gasped, spreading her legs apart. Removing the finger and putting it in my mouth, I tasted her, closing my eyes.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to rush this. Your first time should be— "

"Our. Our first time. And no matter what, it will be the best moment of my life."

Inserting two fingers, I tried to stretch her gently to ready her for me. She moaned and bucked her hips. Unable to stand it a moment longer, I positioned myself at her entrance and we both drew in a breath. I moved as slowly as I could, not wanting to hurt her. Our lips met over and over, tongues flicking against each other. I pushed a little bit further and Bella brought her hips up, pulling me in deeper. I hissed, fighting the urge to drive into her like the animal that I am.

"Bella..." I warned.

"More, I want more of you Edward!" She thrust her hips up, wrapping her legs around my hips.

Unable to hold back any longer, I pushed through until all of me was inside her. God, her heat wrapped around my coolness, was ecstasy! As slowly as I was able, I began moving inside her. Bella moaned, her hips lifting up to meet each slow thrust. The sensations that shot through me were incredible, like nothing I had ever imagined.

"Are you okay, love?"

"Yes, I've never felt anything like this, Edward. I love you," she gasped.

Moving together as one, our pace became more urgent, more frantic. I thrust into her deeper, her hips rising up to meet mine, her nails gripping my shoulders tightly. I buried my head in her neck, licking and suckling. As I came across her carotid artery, pulsing in time with her pounding heart, the beast in me rose up. He didn't want her blood, he was screaming at me to claim her, to leave my mark so everyone would know she was mine. The urge was so strong; I bared my teeth scraping them along her skin, just barely avoiding breaking through. It took everything I had not to sink my teeth into her tender flesh.

"Oh...Edward! Edward!"

I could feel Bella clench around me then, her very foundation shaking and quivering. I threw my head back, thrusting harder. The beast urging me again to mark her, claim her, make her mine. I bit back a primal scream and ripped at the headboard, the pillows—anything so I wouldn't hurt my Bella.

"Oh God, Bella, I love you!" I strained to remain in control, but all reason was lost as I was pushed over the brink. The most wondrous sensations shot through my body, electrifying and tingling and sunshine and rain all at once.

Collapsing against Bella, I ran my hands lightly over her face, kissing her lips gently. Feeling tears on her cheeks my head snapped up, but there was a heavenly smile on her face and I found myself smiling back like a silly school boy.

"Oh my God, Edward, that was the most amazing..."

"I know," I said softly, brushing the hair out of her eyes. "Did I hurt you?"

"No, not at all. It was wonderful. I love you."

"I love you too, Bella."

I didn't want this moment to end, but I knew the Volturi would be here soon and it wouldn't due to be caught with our pants down—literally.

"Bella, we should get dressed. I'm so sorry to taint this moment."

"Nothing could taint what just happened, Edward, nothing. I can truly die happy now, knowing that you really do love me, that we will be together forever even if it is in death."

"You are amazing, Bella. I love you so much, I promise you right now that if we get out of this I will never leave your side again. When we get home, I will change you myself." Her eyes widened in surprise and she smiled.

Quickly we got dressed and cleaned up the room. I thought it might be best if we showed up to the Volturi on our own, but a hard rap on the door ended that plan. Bella's heart started hammering and her breathing became shallow. She gripped my arm tightly.

"Edward..."

I put my finger to my lips and pointed to my ear to remind her that we were dealing with vampires that would have supersonic hearing. Everything we said to each other from this moment on, would be overheard.

Crushing my lips to hers, I pulled her to me tightly. A louder, more impatient knock sounded at the door.

Opening the door, I found Demetri and Jane. The sight of Jane left a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Nodding to them both, I gestured for them to come into the room, but they remained where they were.

"You both need to come with us, Edward," Jane piped in her child like voice, filled with a false cheer.

"Why is that?" I asked.

_As if you don't know you arrogant fool_. Demetri thought.

I turned on him. "Have you something to say to me Demetri?"

"Don't push your luck Cullen. I have orders..." he began, but Jane flashed a hand out stopping him. I picked it out of Demetri's head anyway.

_Just give me a reason. If you give us a problem, down you go. The girl could be some fun before she goes though...hmmmm._

I growled low in my chest at the sick fantasy playing out in Demetri's head.

"Demetri, enough! Come with us, please. Don't make a scene or you know what I will be forced to do to your...friend." Jane looked over at Bella with interest.

_I would love to have a shot at her; it would bring the high and mighty Edward Cullen to his knees._ Jane smirked.

"Who is the meeting with?" I asked tightly.

"Aro," Jane sneered with disdain. _And he'll probably be MUCH too easy on you_.

Turning her back to us, she swept off towards the elevator, fully expecting to be followed. I knew of Jane's power, she could render a vampire incapacitated with excruciating pain. An annoying little thing, I would love to knock her into next Tuesday. I clenched and unclenched my hands.

Putting my arm protectively around Bella, I followed Demetri and Jane. We took the elevator down to the basement level and walked through a maze of hallways until we came to a secret panel allowing access into the tunnel system the Volturi used. I shook my head in amazement—their influence was far reaching.

We were bid to wait in the same chamber I met with Aro in just a few days before, sans the silver tea service, for which I was grateful.

"Edward, I'm scared," Bella was shivering.

Hugging her to me, I kissed her hair. "Try not to worry. Aro is our best chance."

The door opened and Jane entered. "The girl comes with me."

"NO." I stepped in front of Bella.

_So foolish, I can drop you like a stone._

"We stay together. I want to speak to Aro."

Jane turned her crimson eyes on me, obviously relishing her next act. I felt a jolt hit me and I dropped to my knees.

"Edward?!" Bella gasped.

Realizing that the pain that led me to come to the Volturi, thinking my Bella was dead, was so much _worse_ than this, freed me. Rising to my feet, I laughed in Jane's face. Her eyes bugged out of her head, and I immediately realized my mistake. She turned her power on Bella. I cringed and was prepared to beg, but...nothing happened.

Both of us stared at Bella in shock and then I started laughing. "Losing your touch Jane?" She glared.

Leaning into her face I said, "I want to speak to Aro."

"You will regret this," Jane spit at me, taking her leave.

I hugged Bella, sighing with relief. I couldn't read Bella's mind, I guess she was impervious to the gifts of other vampires as well.

"What the heck was that all about?"

"Jane can cause pain. Obviously, you are immune to her gift as well as mine, thank God."

"What about you?" Bella asked confused.

"Ah, that. At first, I felt the pain. When I realized it was only a fraction of the pain I endured being away from you, and then believing you were dead, I was able to surpass it. That felt good, I can't stand that little monster."

We smiled at each other. Sitting down on the couch, we leaned into one another and waited for Aro. It was nearly two hours before he entered the room.

Aro walked in by himself, but I could see Jane just outside the door. She was never far away. Aro's thoughts were guarded, I couldn't easily read him, but he couldn't hide his shock over the fact that Jane was unable to affect either of us with her power.

"Edward! Imagine my surprise to find that you had not gone home like I instructed you to," he said a bit condescendingly. "And who is this lovely young lady?"

"This is Bella. Bella, this is Aro."

"My dear." He nodded his head. "You owe me an explanation, Edward, and it better be good or..." Aro waved his hand with a flourish. _I don't want to scare the young lady unnecessarily, young Edward._ He thought at me. I nodded my head imperceptibly.

"Aro, thank you for meeting with us privately. I think the best way at this point would be to show you." I held my hand out towards him.

Aro's eyebrows rose in surprise, but he took my hand. At first he looked intrigued, but after a while he began to look disturbed as he saw the direction things took. When he saw what brought me to him in the first place, he went rigid and dropped to his knees looking up at me.

"Good God, Edward. How did you endure it all? You are very strong, indeed." He bowed his head almost reverently.

The door slammed open and several of the guard rushed towards us. Aro held a hand up to halt them. "I'm fine! Edward is offering me his side of the equation is all. It is a rather dramatic story. Fall back, please."

When we were alone again, Aro said, "You are a remarkable young man, Edward. There is a place here for you."

"No, thank you, Carlisle is my father. I will remain with him."

"You understand that you have broken the law by consorting with a human? That this presents a problem?"

"It won't for long, Aro. I am planning to change her as soon as we go home."

Aro turned to Bella, holding his hand out. "Young lady, may I?"

Bella looked to me and I nodded. She allowed Aro to take her hand. His face was incredulous. "I get nothing! Jane said she was unable to affect her either. And you, Edward? Can you read her mind?"

"No."

"Fascinating! She must be some kind of natural shield. Imagine the enhancements when she is changed, the possibilities!" His mind went off on a tangent.

"Aro, thank you for the offer but we both belong with Carlisle. Bella is my mate, the love of my life, she stays with me."

"Is this true Bella? Do you wish to be changed and become Edward's mate?"

"Yes, more than anything. I love him more than life itself."

"I know he feels the same for you, my dear. Edward would do, has done, anything for you."

"I would do anything for him as well," Bella answered.

"And so you have! Coming all the way here to save him. Very honorable, if a bit foolish." Aro hesitated a moment. "Here is what I will offer. The two of you can leave Volterra and go home to Carlisle, so long as you change Bella as soon as you get home. We can't risk exposure, so there will be no time to wrap things up in her human life. I will be visiting you in a few weeks time and, if Bella is still human, you will both be subject to punishment according to our laws. Agreed?"

"Agreed. Thank you Aro, you are very generous." I nodded my head.

There was a shriek of frustration from outside the doors. Jane. Aro's mouth quivered with barely concealed amusement. I couldn't resist a bark of laughter, knowing she could hear.

"Jane is not happy that Bella was impervious to her gift, nor that you were able to resist either."

"Aro, may we go now? This has all been very tiring for Bella."

"Yes, of course! My dear, I look forward to seeing you in a few weeks." Aro kissed Bella's hand.

"Thank you, Aro. You have no idea the gift you have given us," Bella said graciously.

"Oh, but I do know! Seeing through Edward's eyes, I could not stand in the way of a love such as yours. We do have laws to uphold, but so long as you are changed, I see no reason to bring any more hurt to either of you."

Opening the doors, Aro announced that we were free to leave. Jane glared at us, pouting like a child. Demetri sneered.

When we arrived back at the hotel, Alice launched herself at me. I grabbed her up and swung her around and around. "Alice!"

"Edward! Bella! I'm so relieved. Let's go home. If I never see Italy again it will be too soon."

Sitting on the plane, hands linked together, we took flight into our forever.

*

**A/N: A few people have asked me to continue this or write another one shot of Bella's transformation. I might possibly do this. If you are interested in reading more, please add to story alert and if I continue it, you will be notified.**

****It appears very likely that I will be continuing this story at some point. I have been poked and prodded to the Nth degree by certain people, LOL. I have no timetable as to when, since I currently have two other stories going.  
**


End file.
